The DREADED Japanese driving test

One of the things that I hate most about Japan is the driving test.  I’ve had my license for nine years, haven’t had any accidents or violations, and am an upstanding citizen, but none of this matters to Japan.  In the eyes of the Menkyo Center (DMV), I’m an American and must be taught to “properly” drive.  (…..and by that, I mean drive like an Asian…) 

The day was completely and utterly stressful.  It really felt like it was day one in Japan since all of it was a new experience to me.  Ian and I spent the night at Melissa’s house since she lives just outside of Hitoyoshi.  We woke up bright and early at 6:15 and were out of the house by 6:45 to make the drive up to the city.  Ian forgot to bring an undershirt, so we had to go on a wild goose chase to find some place that was open before 7am in Hitoyoshi.  However, he managed to find one at the 7/11.  Although we didn’t have to, both of us dressed up in our suits with the mentality of “dress to impress.”

I was stressed out alllllllll morning.  It was just that on-edge/nothing-can-calm/nervous-ticking stress.  On the way there, Ian and I were at each other’s throats, fighting about nothing because we were just so anxious.  At the Menkyo Center, we weren’t exactly sure where to go, but we stood around looking confused at the entrance, and a security guard approached us and told us to go upstairs.  On the second floor, we still weren’t certain where to go and stood around looking stupid.    However, a nice security guard ushered us right to the right doorway.

Everyone, from the security guards to even the driving instructors, were very nice and pleasant to us.  I was afraid that not knowing Japanese was going to hinder us, but it really wasn’t that big of an issue.  One of the workers in the office took us to a little cubicle area.  In order to even be considered to get a Japanese driver’s license, you have to have your paperwork in order.  We had to have our passports, Kentucky driver’s license, a translation of it, driving records, two recent pictures, our personal seals, a certificate from the Yunomae town office stating that we live here, and proof that we lived in the States for at least three months after getting our license.  For that last item, a couple of things could be considered as proof:

a) passport (as long as it received an exit stamp on the way out of the States)

b) college transcript (as long as it has an official seal from your current employer on it)

c) letter from a former employer stating the dates that you worked there.

I sent my college transcript in my original application, so all my BOE had to do was make a copy of that and stamp it with their seal.  Ian, on the other hand, was just going to use his passport.  It didn’t have the exit stamp on it since more and more countries aren’t stamping passports anymore, but the date of issue was March 2004, and he has tons of stamps in it.  We thought that that would be okay, but no.  The lady was very polite about it, but she wouldn’t accept it.  I tried to show her Ian’s driving record, which states everything that he’s done with his license since 2003 when he got it, proving that he’s lived in the States for a while, but she couldn’t accept that either.    Therefore, Ian couldn’t proceed after that.  I had to fill out a little more paperwork, including a form written entirely in kanji.  The lady had to explain what to put in each box.  I felt like a big, dumb idiot because even though I can recognize my name (メリッサ·リード) and America (アメリカ) written in katakana, I don’t know how to write it, so the lady had to write it on a piece of scrap paper and then allow me to use that as an example.  What was even worse is that I had to write my whole freaking address in kanji (2756から2 湯前町、球磨郡、熊本県868から0612).  I have never had to do that before, and it was seriously like an art project…..connect this line to that crooked S-shaped thing, draw a box looking thing and make it look like it’s got two scribbles coming out….  IT WAS AWFUL!    It seriously looked like a four-year-old drew it!! 

My next step was the vision and written tests.  The vision test was nothing.  All I had to do was look at a few C’s and say in which direction the opening was and look at three dots, listing the colors: red, yellow, green.  They have to make sure that you’re not color or completely blind!   The written test was a joke.  Everyone who I talked to before I went said that it is, but I had no idea just how easy it was going to be!  There are ten true/false questions, and it’s an unlimited amount of time.  The questions were written in Japanese and English, and the only difficult thing about it was that some of the English was off.  The questions included:

a) It is illegal to speed.

b) It is okay to go through a stop sign if you don’t see any oncoming traffic.

c) You should slow down at a cross walk.

  I’m not joking.  If you fail this test, you have NO RIGHT to be driving a car and should probably wear a helmet at all times for your own personal safety.    I finished in about three minutes and looked back over my answers just to make sure that I didn’t misread something.  After that, the lady gave me a map of the driving course (below), showed me where to wait in the main lobby, and told me that a driving instructor would come to get me at 1PM. 

Ian and I waited until 12PM, reading, eating lunch, memorizing the driving course, and passing the time.  At 12PM, the driving course opens up to pedestrians, and you can walk it.  We made two passes through it, mentally noting the exact spot I should turn my blinker on, how I should turn, when I should exaggerate the movement of craning my head from side to side to see beyond the stop line.  We started at the car.  Before even entering the car, you’re supposed to completely circle it, checking under the front and rear bummers and touch the headlights.  Once inside the vehicle, you have to adjust your seat and mirrors, put your seatbelt on, touch the E brake, ask for permission to start the car, start it with your foot on the brake, swivel around to check blind spots and the mirrors, put in drive, turn on the blinker, and go.  Of course I didn’t get to practice in the car, but I ran through all of this in my head.  If you forget one of these things, you could very well fail on the spot.  For the Japanese test it’s not necessarily what you do, but the ORDER that you do it.     

The hardest parts of the test are the S curve and the crank.  The S curve is self-explanatory.  It’s a very narrow S shaped curve that you have to navigate the behemoth of their vehicle through.  The crank is two right angles put together that looks like half of a swastika.  The trick to both of these things is to go SLOW and turn the wheel at the last possible second.  As we walked through both of these elements, I noted when exactly I needed to turn the wheel and then put the blinker on coming out.  There’s waaaaaaay to much to remember!  The final two tasks for the driving test are to speed up to 40 kph (for most of the test, you’re going very, very slowly) so that the proctor can tell that you can control the vehicle at “high” speed.  (40 kph is only about 25 mph.)  The downside is that you have a very short amount of time to speed up.  As soon as you come off of a curve, you have to mat it to reach that speed and then slow down immediately so that you can avoid the “obstacle” in the course.  The obstacle is a couple of cones in the road that you have to go around as if it was a car broken down.

After walking the course, we went back upstairs to wait for the proctor to pick me up in the lobby.  He was a very polite man and explained to me the course and procedure for the test (I didn’t understand a lot of what he actually said, but I knew what he was talking about thanks to prior research and his gestures.)  He walked me to the car where I met the second proctor.  Since I was the only person being tested that day, I had TWO proctors.    One of them drove the course through once so that I’d know exactly where to go, and then he allowed me to take the reigns.  He wanted me to do a quick loop around the parking bay to get used to the car, and then we were off.  I was actually relatively calm the entire time I was in the car.  I made sure to constantly check my mirrors and blind spots, hug the curb, turn on my blinker in enough time, and crane my head at intersections right and left.  Once in the crank and S curve, I OWNED them.  The two hardest elements and I MASTERED them!    Once back at the parking bay, I had to get out of the car while the two proctors talked for a minute.  Then they got out and took me back upstairs to the office and had me wait in a cubicle area. 

Ian watched my whole test from the viewing platform, and he said that I did a really, really great job.  I was feeling hopeful that maybe, just MAYBE I had passed on my first try.  Then the proctor joined us in the cubicle and told me what I did wrong.  He was very polite about it—not trying to shame me or anything, but apparently I didn’t EXAGGERATE the movement of turning around to check my blind spots ENOUGH.  I got through everything else, but this is what I “did wrong.”  By this time, I was emotionally, physically, and mentally holding on by a thread.  It’s such a ridiculously stressful day, and with him telling me that, the tears were already pooling in my eyes.    When he left, I honestly wasn’t sure if I had passed or not.  The lady from earlier in the day came back with paperwork and told me when I come in NEXT time, I didn’t have to schedule an appointment. 

It was at that point that I realized I didn’t pass, and the dam broke.  I mentally and emotionally checked out.  Even though I’m a grown woman, I bawled like a baby.  It was one of those uncontrollable, unstoppable, nothing-can-comfort cries, and it was horrible.  I had snot dripping down and tears rolling off my cheeks.  To make matters worse I didn’t have ANY tissues, so I had to wipe the dripping snot on my pants (in the end, it looked like several snails had criss-crossed my pants) and use the inside of my blazer to wipe my eyes.  To add insult to injury, I had to fill out the paperwork, including writing my address in kanji once more.  That is a difficult thing to do in general but once checked out, it’s an impossible task.  She had to tell me what to do about five times before I finally realized what she wanted.  It was a horrible, HORRIBLE moment.  After all of that was finished, I thanked her and walked as quickly as my two little feet would carry me away from there, putting my sun glasses on to hide my tears.  Once in the car I couldn’t stop the tears.  I boo-wooed for probably thirty minutes before I could actually control myself and quit crying.

Ian had to stop by his work office in the city, so while he did that, I went inside a convenience store and bought a Coke, knowing that Coke really does make everything better (below).    After that, we stopped at a tire place to change our tires ($300) , but it was there that I was actually able to laugh about the situation.  Ian knew exactly how to handle me, too.  He knew not to try to rationalize with me until I STOPPED being the blubbering mess and THEN he could laugh with me.    It didn’t take long to change our tires, so we went to the mall to do a little souvenir shopping for our friends and family when we get home.  This really took my mind off of the stupid license test, and (without giving away what I got everyone!) I was really happy with our purchases.  I can’t wait to give out our gifts!  We wrapped up the night with dinner at Reef Burger, the wonderful and delicious burger place that we go to in the city.  We were the only customers there, and the owners love us.  They came over to talk to us, and when he asked what we wanted to drink, we told him water, but as if he could read our minds that it was a bad day or something, he asked what we REALLY wanted and gave us free Cokes.    It was amazing how such a bad day turned right around.

Anyway, that’s my story about the driving test.  Our next attempt will be on the 18th.  Hopefully we’ll have better luck then!  Sorry it was so long.  This subject just makes me rant and rave!